...of oneself

- dis whole week i feel sooo..useless n miserable.no matter how much i did,i noe im not competent enuf,i noe im not resposible enuf,i hardly do any study,not as serious dat i noe i shud n i cud..despite spending a whole lotsa time under d heat of my study table lamp away frm d warmth of me bed.rs stupid sbb byk keje yg spttnye siap xsiap2 like my ENT case yg terpostpone smp abes MCQ dis friday,n keje sbg penyimpan mohor besar duit MYS.d more i keep pushing d more they kip coming..
- itu blom lg rs regret yg sgt sbb duties sbg ahli rumahsupersocial mcm xterhandle,turn masak yg mengundang kekecohan,xterbuatgrocery..menambahkn beban guilty terhadap saham amanah i.gazillion apologies to my hsemates yg terpakse mkn pizza last week.segala kekurangan bole diclaim aftr fri eh korg,weee
- d thing i hate d most..d most!!dis week je dh 2kali bgn lmbt.sebbaik la jd 2nd last or 3rd smp kt eye tutorial.kl driving bole la kate jam ke,minyak abes tgh jln ke..ok laa,sorry im late bcoz my hse is jez too near dat i hitchhike a snail??phwwttt
- tanggungjwb utk melapor di atas juge agak kurang menyenangkn ati.bkn agak..mmg sgt merisaukn.tidak sepunctual n selama dlu :(:(
- ye gelengkn kepala 3 kali n start fresh.hana kate die tau kami ni,kami yg 2 org ni la,slalu bile rs truk,bad,horrible trus cont to be bad,bt hana kate jgn ani jgn..kite kne trus buat baik n when we feel good we do more good n good things come to us.yess..thx hana for reminding.huhu

- rs mcm nk ltak blk notebook dlm kotak cantik2 n sent it back to PC world dgn harga 2,3 kali lipat takpun letak bwh katil tepi dumbbell yg xberusik tu.huhu..i cnt!hidup i akan jd separaprimitif,greyish mcm tv 60'an plus winter yg kurang sunshine n bunnies n chronic symptom adlah bilakala my cheek terkurang 2-3mm in thickness.
- doakan sy ye :D

And even though I know how very far apart we are,
It helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star,
And when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby,
It helps to think we're sleeping underneath the same big sky!--i noe its kinda cheeesyy but dis dedicated to my dearest sis.u always mk me feel blessed for evrythg dat i hv,we hv :)

bila rasaku ini rasamu

today i discovered sumthg new abt myself.i learned dat i am an adenoidectomy-phobic..or is it ENTtheater-o-phobic?well myb mix dgn rs agak mlas nk tgk ent coz asyik tgk d same procedures je n of coz nk 'study' at hme.i mmg xde perasaan nk pegi bt since i xnk rs guilty n nk jd anak yg baik,i pon pegi laa.its not my 1st time joining d ENT theater n believe me when i sed i didnt quite enjoy d last time i was in...d last time we had dis 1 yr olg black girl,wit braided hair all over, going through adenoidectomy.d 1st few mins ok,fine..as i watched dr sardar across d operating table n wondering how a 1yr old girl has soo much hair,suddenly i felt palpitation.ape ni ape ni..br 20 mins diri.dr sardar time tu tgh bz 'spooning' out d adenoid frm dat poor girl's throat wit a big metal scrapper.camne tu?hmm lemme draw it...imagine throat bdk tu mcm kayu yg kite gune time kemahiran hidup dlu nk buat musical box or rak rempah yg kite tersalah nail,pastu mesti kite nk pull dat nail it out kn..haa mcm tu laa plus blood being sucked in.whooshh out came two big adenoids.by dat time,i dh rs weak,my tummy mcm ade fish swimming2 inside.mask yg i pkai i bukak tutup,for better ventilation.badan rs panas yg melemaskn.dr sardar perasan ke.alaa..xsuke bile i xnmpk taf.haa..time tu laa i nmpk silver dots.mula2 sikit then die byk2 n mcm excited.aish..bkn xpnah tgk amputation or mastectomy or even worse procedures.i cnt imagine bile buat my 1st delivery nnt.at last attempt to be in denial n conciously tried to justify d pathological reason i jd cmtu,i terpakse cont in d changing room..lemah!

today,me n didi g lg theater.as i checked mr lang's patient list,nmpk adenoidectomy lg.alaa..ok xpe..lets try again dis time.to prove my diag is wrong laa konon.2 enlarged thyroid n adenoid kne buang frm dis 3yr old boy.ksian tgk bdak tu.dh la cute with blonde hair.ee geramm..n then ouh noo not again.time tu dr sardar tgh stitching.WAT THE FISH?!aaahh benci la cmni.2 kali i kluar masuk theater,dats it!enuf!i nk blk.tinggalkn sj didi sorg2,i blk rumah buka puasa ngn kuih ry.well thx didi for ur concern.kite dh ok dh,alhamdulillah :)

- xsuke bila org kate i pengsan2 sbb xmkn.i bole je diri 3-4 hrs kt eye clinic time puasa aritu.ok je..huhuhu..
- didi kate i xbole join ENT..ouh well wateverr.didi kate i myb xbole jd paediatrician..NOO..:(

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- ressa herlambang aka indonesia's usher.
- cik pulut kate aritu nk layan lagu patah hati.biase la org hepi nk dgr lagu cmtu.i jumpe byk.tgu org request je ni :p

80's smell

-39 yr old grand'mama'.ouh n dat was 11 yr old pakcu..we grew up together.back then we became his probono singers while he played his guitar to rock kapak songs until he moved to live with our mom.he used to say "sape buli ana ani ckp ngn pakcu k.ckp ngn diorg pkns tu dlu pakcu punye 'area' tau."..while he was d one who tied our tudungs bile nk g mengaji one day like ninja turtles.n we were like dat all d way..huhu..n who said we dun hv any brothers?
-our 3rd bday bash..mama sgt terer buat kek.suke bli all those choc sticks,choc coins,smarties,kokocrunch etc n watched mama arranged them on cakes.hmm myb dats where i pickup d passion..*rolling eyes*
-during 2nd wedding in d fam.pakngah's kot..i sed to hana,i didnt look like a happy kid kn :p

- n who cud believe my pakngah cud got married back in those days.well..tall n handsome kn even in faded jeans n tennis shoes.evry time raya je anak makcik raja dtg rumah tanye pakngah n pakcu dh blk blom.ishhh..
- our baby sisters..nurdanisya yg kne cropped her hair by amoi 'hairstylist' n audrey afiqah who got her first 'feet' when chasing keropok lekor we bait her.ibu kate "kak ani,dun feed her biscuits anymore,nnt afiqah lg bsar..".yet next morning ibu fed her cheddar cheese singles..as her dessert.aahh..nnt i blk i'll be seeing her jumping,running,chasing more food n calling me kak ani.fast fwd plss..n nisya,i hope she will finish wat we left off..counting frm 1-5..ABCs yg xpnah khatam2 tu.blame it to fifi d flowertots n piku d penguin?..c'mon nisya,i noe my sis cn do it!
jez to see how much we look alike..or more exactly,is chubbiness hereditary..

hai pojaan hati

di balik pintu kayu bilik i yg agak mewah n berkos tinggi ni,adalah satu disaster.since last wed our heater membisu seribu bahasa.oil yg dimasukkn xmampu bertahan lama rupenye.situasi diamplify dgn carpet nipis summer edition n weather yg mula membuli dgn angin beku.i yg biasa hidup dlm kesenangan,dimanja dgn sinaran uv yg cukup memasakkn last summer,i hanya mampu memohon kekuatan dalaman.hoping dat God wud grant my prayer by increasing my basal metabolism.laundry di ampaian menuggu giliran di tepi heater menceriakn lg my presidential suite ni.i xmampu membantu,eventho theoritically d 'hotness' cn be transferred by convection.ive decided to keep d 'hotness' all for myself.wee..ya makanya i jd OKU,oppss..not trying to offend anyone..but i mula beroperasi di dlm duvet.bkn mlas ye say but electric bills yg xsanggup ditanggung sesiapa buatkn i lbih cautious,opt for cheaper.evrythg for d future kn.my way of saving d mother earth by saving my money (:

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ladies n gents,im fragile.im vulnerable.fyi im not as taf as u tink i am.homesick?naahh..too early..buli?blk2 buli?nope..my threshold masyaALLAH,God knows how unreachable it is :p..cerekarama in my fam?naah..waaay past dat 'mourning' stage..my status yg stagnant malignant single?its ok.seriously,im at d lagging stage.prodrome.i hv to close 1 ear n 1 eye la tp.over here,di rumah supersocial ni,almost evry single blurted word,65% laa,referring to topik berkenaan.its ok,doa mama n ibu for me to get a doctor are mood stabilisers (:

so apa yg cik HB fretting abt nih? im at d verge of getting rid of all 'old' stuff but im still clinging to it like i hold my netbook now.sbb mhal..but i noe,sgt2 tau yg kl i x put it in d bin,i yg fragile akan sentiasa gv in n keep it for another day.mcm cerita KEKASIHKU SERU plak.but i want to b like'Marisa',bkn marisa sniper yg ala macho tp manja tu,but marisa yg cuba resist 'Waris' yg mencari beliau sbg keeper.ishh best sgt2 citer tu.they really shud consider a movie.serious.dem good..moving on,i noe kl i prevail,Allah akan buka byk jln utk cik HB.Allah kn Maha Adil..now,cik PULUT,tolong remindkn i dgn nasihat ye,cik LAYEN,eventho u agak2 suam garang,sila gunakn nada dissappointmt anda.huhu..

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hari Raya yg best..dpt kad yg sgt3 sweet frm kakakku syg,cik hana n afew other cards yg membuat i melompat girang.i seronok smyg raya diikuti openhses smbil escape cls berjemaah tanpa regret n ignorant max.sesiapa yg x septtnya meletakkn priority selain beraya ie those in ent,opthal n psych mengundang 'booo' pd diri sndri.hee..i sgt grateful fames amos cookie recipe yg valid membuatkn i excited habiskn batch smp 330am.bgn x sleepy plak tu,amazing!n 1 more thg,alhamdulillah i bangga krn berjaya chat dgn ayah aftr soo..long..(:(: ok time to move on wit usual stuff.ry tgu wkend yee

- terigt my bday party with hana every single yr smp kite 4yrs old kn hana.jez like in d clip.evry yr we got big laaaarge cake yg dibuat khas by mama.saayaaaaang mama..ouh d song..sgt sesuai utk 'cik yg agak blurr in love' di sn :p
- miss main 'rumah2' wit cousin nami.."kak ani,ni la rumah nami.mewah kn?kak ani kne masak,nami nk g kedai jap naik toyota avanza".."oo kak ani nk pesan telur 5 biji,ikan 1,ayam 2,tepung 1.." hmm gud way to test child's memory n math,lalala